How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Kim-Joy

No, I haven't watched Dr. Strangelove.

However, I’ve watched several dozen episodes of Great British Bake Off/The Great British Baking Show over the past few weeks and now my brain has permanently turned into an entremet.

Kim-Joy , a finalist from the 2018 series, recently launched a YouTube channel and when I saw, I screamed with joy. Of course, the first video is a recipe for scones shaped like frogs. It’s the best thing that’s happened to me all quarantine.

I didn’t always love Kim-Joy. She confused me while I was watching the first few episodes of her season. “Will this woman ever make something that doesn’t look like an animal?” I wondered, as if I could ever make anything that was remotely as cute or tasty. Then I realized that I sounded like Paul Hollywood and I never want to sound like Paul Hollywood so I snapped out of it.

(Side note about Paul Hollywood: I can’t remember if this specifically happened to Kim-Joy, but what is up with his hatred of matcha? He doesn’t have to love it, but it seems to affect his judging. He’ll often tell bakers who use matcha that there is an issue with the bake because it tastes musty and stale, and when Prue would remind him that’s just how matcha tastes like, he would ignore her and continue claiming there’s something wrong with their baking skills. A good judge should be able to judge the merit of the bake even if it doesn’t fit to their personal tastes. I noticed he did that a lot with Kim-Joy’s bakes, especially at the beginning. Anyway, enough about Paul Hollywood. He doesn’t deserve this space).

After a few episodes, I fell completely in love with Kim-Joy’s bakes. They were always adorable, meticulously designed, and from the description it sounded like she was using creative, delicious flavors. Her Instagram is a delight, and I’m super excited for her YouTube channel since I can’t afford to buy her cookbook at the moment. But what I love most about her is that even in the face of “the male judge”’s withering skepticism, she held on to her personality. She kept making bakes shaped like animals, she kept using flavors that she loved, and she was really good at it too.

My initial skepticism was probably caused by the fact that Kim-Joy reminded me of all of the parts of myself that I hid away because I thought they were signs of weakness. I try very carefully not to do anything or wear anything that might be interpreted as “cute” because I dread being treated as younger than I am (which is a huge problem for someone like myself who worked in education and is short). It upset me to see an adult woman unabashedly love cute animal stuff (and tabletop games) because I’d forced myself to stop liking those things and changed other aspects of myself to seem more “professional”, and it seemed unfair that she hadn’t. Then I got over myself and realized that just because I thought being an adult was miserable didn’t mean it had to be.

When I was almost done with Kim-Joy’s season, I started drawing again. Foxes, actually, inspired by an adorable fox cake that she made during vegan week. I was never a passionate visual artist. I used to like drawing, but then my school art teachers told me I wasn’t a good artist and there was no point in wasting my time on things I wasn’t skilled at. I gave up drawing for ages because if there’s anything that I learned from my years of public school, it’s that my time is not my own and should be optimized for maximum productivity. But I picked up some markers again becauseI wanted to have fun ! I wanted to be like Kim-Joy.

Kim-Joy reminded me of the freedom that comes with being creative, with letting that creativity take you where you want to go instead of worrying about how others will perceive you, and for that I’m forever grateful.

And if you see me making froggy scones, mind your own business.